Learning How to Say No

When someone asks you for favors or invites you to gatherings and events, do you find yourself saying yes almost instantly without even considering what you already have on your plate? If you do, know that you are not alone.

Many of us are brought up to be people-pleasers and we always say yes to everyone even when we really want to say no. The thought of being good to friends/family/colleagues equates to saying yes all the time so we don’t let them down.

As you accept more commitments, you’ll be spreading yourself thinly and when you take on more than you can chew, it’s just a fact that you won’t be able to be as productive as you want and get anything done on time or very well.

In this blog, we are going to explore the art of saying no and why it’s a must to stay productive. We will also learn how saying no is just as important in building balanced relationships and that it doesn’t have to be hard to do.

Why Is It Hard To Say “No”?

We like to be helpful and we choose to be nice. We don’t want to turn down other people so even if it’s going to drain us and make us change our plans, we hardly say no.

Our want to be liked. We say yes to people because we don’t want to be excluded from the group so we conform to other people’s requests.

We want to keep our connection with other people. Sometimes, saying no can be taken as a sign of rejection, as being people who dislike burning bridges, we take on that fear to extreme levels thinking that saying no will lead to damaging our relationships.

We want to avoid conflicts. Sometimes, other people can’t take no for an answer and if we reject them, small issues can turn into something big.

We don’t want to be rude. Many of us are brought and raised with the idea that saying no to other people, especially to those older than us, is rude. So we are pressured to say yes.

Why We Need To Learn To Say “No”

To learn how to say “no”, the first you need to know is your why. You need to be conscious of your schedule and be aware of how busy you are. You can’t do everything and this will help you protect your time better and only say “yes” to the more important things that will make a difference in your life.

Learning to say no to invites and requests that don’t make a fruitful impact on your life is also another skill you need to develop. There’s a lot of benefits in saying no, one of them is having more time for the things that truly matter for you.

Don’t think about avoiding conflict, instead find the right way to say no. It’s not that hard as you might think.

The hardest part of saying no, especially to people that are dear to you is knowing that it can anger, hurt, disappoint, or make them feel rejected. It’s not the funnest task, but saying no does not have to be difficult. Here are things you should keep in mind to stop pleasing people and finally learn how to gently say no.

Value Your Time

Your time is precious and how you spend it should always be up to you. Know your commitments and when someone asks for your time, you can gently tell them that you are loaded. Be honest and they will appreciate it and even sympathize with you for having a lot going on.

Prioritize your feelings and needs

Know your priorities. Having extra time does not mean that you have to accommodate other things just so you could avoid saying no. When proposed with a new request or commitment, take the time to think it over if it’s something you actually want to accept and say yes to.

Take, for example, if my mom asks for me to take some extra time off in the evening a few days a week to chat with her, I’ll say yes because family is one of my top priorities. But when a colleague asks for help on extra projects, I’d probably decline as it will lessen my time for my family and for myself.

You can’t take care of others if you’re not taking care of yourself

When you are the kind of person who is used to taking care of other people, saying no can be extra hard for you. You’ve been used to thinking about other people first and making sure they’re okay before taking care of yourself. This trait is wonderful and admirable, however, to have the ability to care for other people, you need to make sure that your needs are met. That’s why learning how to say no is essential for self-care. How will you be able to take care of other people if your health is declining? Set aside time for you to concentrate on yourself, to put your health first, both physical and emotional so that you won’t lose yourself and you can continue helping others.

Saying no to one thing means saying yes to another

When you say no to something, you are giving yourself the chance to say yes to other things. Politely declining to things you don’t want to do means you can say yes to doing stuff you prefer. So don’t be afraid to say no.

Practice Saying No

Practicing is doing things again and again until you master them. By practicing to say no, you’ll get better at it and you’ll become more comfortable saying it.

Don’t Apologize

Saying “sorry” before saying “no” is usually how most people do it as it sounds more polite. While being polite is good, apologizing before saying no just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm about your stand and be unapologetic when saying no and choosing to use your time for other things.

You don’t have to feel bad saying no because you have every right to use your time on your own terms.

Maybe Later

If taking a raincheck is an option, use it. Are you interested in something proposed to you but just don’t have the time to commit? You can always say you can do it at a later time when you are free.

Saying no is not an easy thing to do especially when you’re not used to it. But once you master it, you’ll find how freeing it feels to have that power to yourself. You’ll be more productive in doing the things that matter to you, you’ll have control over your time, and you’ll be less stressed. You wouldn’t feel the need to constantly feel guilty about organizing your personal life and you’ll get to take care of your mental health.

Remember, saying no is not being mean or rude. It’s just really about being able to take full control of your time, your energy, and more importantly, your sanity.